Love is Blind...and Narcissistic: The Surprising Reason We Fall for Toxic Partners

When it comes to relationships, most of us have fallen for someone who was clearly not right for us. We might look back and wonder, "What was I thinking?" Well, there might be a scientific explanation for why we're attracted to toxic partners, and it has everything to do with narcissism.

Yes, narcissism. You know, the personality disorder that causes people to believe they are the center of the universe and that the world revolves around them. The same disorder that causes them to be manipulative, charming, and extremely self-absorbed. So why do we find narcissists so irresistible? Let's take a closer look at the psychology behind our attraction to toxic partners.

The Appeal of Confidence

Narcissists are often charming, confident, and charismatic, which can be incredibly attractive traits. When we first meet a narcissist, they may seem like the most interesting, exciting, and confident person we've ever met. They exude an air of superiority that can be intoxicating, especially if we're feeling insecure or uncertain about ourselves.

Narcissists are also skilled at making us feel special and important. They may shower us with compliments, attention, and affection, which can be very alluring. Their confidence can make us feel more confident, and we may find ourselves drawn to them like moths to a flame.

The High of the Chase

Narcissists are often masters of the art of seduction. They know just how to play the game to keep us interested, and they're not afraid to push our boundaries or take risks to keep the spark alive. This can be thrilling and exciting, and it can create a sense of euphoria that we associate with being in love.

The problem is that this high is often short-lived. Once the narcissist has won us over, they may lose interest or start to show their true colours. They may become distant, critical, or manipulative, leaving us wondering what happened to the person we fell for in the first place.

The Need for Approval

Many people who fall for narcissists are looking for validation and approval. We may have low self-esteem or feel insecure about ourselves, and we're looking for someone to make us feel better about ourselves. Narcissists are often attracted to people who are vulnerable or insecure because they see them as easy targets for manipulation and control.

The problem is that narcissists are not interested in building us up or making us feel good about ourselves. They're only interested in making themselves look good, and they will do whatever it takes to maintain their power and control over us.

The Cycle of Abuse

One of the most insidious things about narcissistic relationships is the cycle of abuse that often occurs. Narcissists are often emotionally abusive, using tactics like gaslighting, blame-shifting, and projection to keep us off-balance and confused. They may also be physically or sexually abusive, using their power and control to intimidate and harm us.

The problem is that this abuse can create a sense of dependence and attachment that is hard to break. We may start to believe that we deserve the abuse or that it's our fault, and we may become trapped in the cycle of abuse.

Breaking the Pattern

So, how do we break the pattern of falling for narcissists? It starts with recognizing the signs and symptoms of narcissistic abuse. If you find yourself feeling insecure, confused, or belittled by your partner, it may be time to seek help and support.

You can also work on building your own self-esteem and sense of self-worth. This may involve seeking therapy, joining a support group, or practicing self-care and self-compassion.

Remember, falling for a narcissist is not your fault, but it's up to you to take control of your own life and well-being. With time, patience, and support, you can break free from the cycle of abuse and build healthy, fulfilling relationships.

So, why do we fall for narcissists? The answer is complex, but it has everything to do with the psychology of attraction and our own vulnerabilities and needs. Narcissists can be incredibly charming and seductive, but they can also be emotionally and physically abusive. If you find yourself in a relationship with a narcissist, it's important to seek help and support to break the cycle of abuse and build a healthier, happier life for yourself. Remember, love should never hurt, and you deserve to be treated with respect and kindness.